I’m not so sure…
#im pretty sure
#my how things have changed
I’m cut out for this relationship thing anymore…I mean I feel like I used to be because I would go balls to the wall when in a relationship…I mean I used to be a communicator, considerate, loving, kind, loyal, and even dedicated & determined to make things work…but now it seems not so much. I mean its as if I woke up one morning and whichever part of the being that is built for relationships just wasn’t there anymore…I’m talking nonexistent not there. So I’ve been wrecking my mental trying to figure out why I have these feelings or should I say non feelings about relationships…maybe I’m just tired. Tired of nothing working for so many years. Tired of being the only one putting in the work with nothing in return. It’s crazy that when I look back at most of my relationships I’m “that one”. Y’all know what I’m talking about. Everyone has “that one”. “That one” is the one you lose for being stupid, “that one” is the one that when you look back you sing your shoulda coulda wouldas, thinking if I’d only done this…”that one” is the one who changed you in some way, be it good or bad, jaded or not, “that one” is the one you don’t realize is “that one” until its too late or until said one has moved on…yeah *points to self* that’d be me. I always end up being “that one” for every person I’ve been committed to. Sooooo maybe I’m not cut out for this relationship stuff…or maybe there’s some sort of time stamp on being the perfect partner and my time is up. Hmmm…idk. What I do know is right now at this very moment I’m over it. What’s “it” you ask? “It” is everything having to do with love, feelings, emotions, and ALL things dealing with the stupid organ that beats and breaks. I’m over being “that one”. I’d much rather be the dick that moves on to the next without a thought, the one that doesn’t put in their all..doesn’t get attached…could care less once a relationship is over…yeah that’s who I wanna be when I grow up. The one I’ve always dated…the one with the mouth piece but no actual game…the one that has to always be led in the relationship…the one that realizes everything too late in the game…The lesser half of the 2 halves in a relationship…because relationships are too much…or maybe they’re not enough. *shrugs* yeah I’m pretty sure I’m not cut out for relationships anymore…orrrrr my “all things dealing with the heart” button has been re-wired so that when pushed my middle finger goes up instead. *shrugs again* I guess the bright side is I will hurt a lot less…or maybe it’s suppress more (lol) hmph! the irony in that. Anywho, allow me to reintroduce myself. Hi! I’m Q, the noncommittal one so don’t get attached or fall in love. *curtsies*
"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."
All That Holds Importance
I like to think of hearts as slightly bent paper clips, meant to secure all that holds importance, this is why your words mean so much to me.
I do not care for wealth,
what can you give me that others
can not pull head first from mechanical wombs?
I don’t care for culinary expertise,
what can you make for me with gentle consideration
that can fill my heart more than my belly?
I do not care for the others,
They are like empty jugs on a cramped shelf.
You’re the one I reach for.
You are warm, filling,
unique in your design,
loving in your purpose.