You realize what once was, is no longer.

I’m a hoarder. Of emotions. Do they have a team with a dump truck & protective masks to come out and clean this shit up?

You do something on impulse…and it’s too late to go back…so you sit. wait. wait to see what happens…if anything.

…thinking some funky haircut is in order. today.

I went to bed with no feels…but somehow I woke up at 6ish am with even more feels. What in theeeee entire fuck…obviously drinking doesn’t help…on to plan B I guess.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….I guess now I have to come up with a plan b.

So today I had my 2nd weigh in…I weigh every 2 weeks…I began 4 weeks ago…the first 2 weeks I lost 16.5 lbs…and these past 2 weeks I lost 6 lbs…although I don’t like only losing 6 lbs in 14 days, I’m trying to remind myself that 22.5 lbs in a month is pretty fucking amazing…so yeah I’m trying not to beat myself up & channel that energy into motivation to push harder for the next 2 weeks…most definitely need to do more cardio…but anyway, I may post pics tonight or the weekend so stay tuned…

As I sit outside of my job crisscross applesauce on the cold hard pavement…wind rustling the trees…inhaling menthol and nicotene I can’t help but think. Think. Matter of fact I can’t stop thinking. Thoughts mostly consisting of what now. I mean what happens now? I know “life goes on with or without us”…but………. You know what, no ‘buts’…yeah you’re right. It goes on. I go on. You go on. Life goes on.

tomorrow is my next weigh in…appointment at 2pm…first 2 weeks i lost 16.5 lbs…lets see how much after 2 more weeks…a total of 4 weeks since i said, “fuck the bullshit” it’s time to get real about being a healthier me…i will probably post pics…so yeah…pretty excited AND anxious all at the same damn time…

for awhile now, all i’ve wanted to do is have the urge to write like i used to…now im compelled to do just that & im all like, “damn not another thought…*turns said thought(s) into a poem”…

…let’s talk here…gray face or not.